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thedevilwhorose) wrote2022-06-30 03:28 pm
[resource] SPN Quotes (WIP)
SEASON 3
one
CASEY
Why would I lie?
DEAN
Demons lie.
CASEY
Some do. Some are true believers.
DEAN
Believers in what?
CASEY
What, you think humans have an exclusive on a higher power?
DEAN (surprised)
You have a god?
CASEY
Sure. His name's Lucifer.
DEAN
You mean the devil?
CASEY
Your word, not ours. Lucifer actually means "light bringer." Look it up.
Once he was the most beautiful of all God's angels, But God demanded that he bow down before Man, and when he refused, God banished him.
Tell me, Dean. How do you like bowing before lesser creatures?
DEAN
Lucifer's really real?
CASEY
Well, no one's actually seen him, but they say that he made us into what we are, and they say that he'll return.
DEAN
Oh, yeah? And, uh, you believe that?
CASEY
I've got faith.
SEASON 4
one
ALASTAIR
You know, it was supposed to be your father.
[DEAN pours out more holy water.]
ALASTAIR
He was supposed to bring it on. But, in the end, it was you.
DEAN
Bring what on?
ALASTAIR
Oh, every night, the same offer, remember? Same as your father.
[DEAN shakes salt onto the blade of Ruby's knife.]
ALASTAIR
And finally you said, "Sign me up." Oh, the first time you picked up my razor, the first time you sliced into that weeping bitch...
[DEAN turns to face ALASTAIR.]
ALASTAIR
That was the first seal.
[DEAN does not visibly react. He walks closer.]
DEAN
You're lying.
ALASTAIR
And it is written that the first seal shall be broken when a righteous man sheds blood in hell. As he breaks, so shall it break.
[DEAN turns away.]
ALASTAIR
We had to break the first seal before any others. Only way to get the dominoes to fall, right? Topple the one at the front of the line.
[Now that DEAN is not facing ALASTAIR, his shock is visible on his face.]
ALASTAIR
When we win, when we bring on the apocalypse and burn this earth down, we'll owe it all to you, Dean Winchester. URIEL I wanted you to join me. And I still do. With you, we can be powerful enough to— CASTIEL To... URIEL To raise our brother. CASTIEL Lucifer. URIEL You do remember him? How strong he was? How beautiful? And he didn't bow to humanity. He was punished for defending us. Now, if you want to believe in something, Cas, believe in him. CASTIEL Lucifer is not God. URIEL God isn't God anymore. He doesn't care what we do. I am proof of that.
※ 4x16: On the Head of a Pin ⋙
DEAN
Is it true? Did I break the first seal? Did I start all this?
CASTIEL
Yes. When we discovered Lilith's plan for you, we laid siege to hell and we fought our way to get to you before you—
DEAN
Jump-started the apocalypse.
CASTIEL
And we were too late.
DEAN
Why didn't you just leave me there, then?
CASTIEL
It's not blame that falls on you, Dean, it's fate. The righteous man who begins it is the only one who can finish it. You have to stop it.
DEAN
Lucifer? The apocalypse? What does that mean? Hey! Don't you go disappearing on me, you son of a bitch. What does that mean!
CASTIEL
I don't know.
DEAN
Bull.
CASTIEL
I don't. Dean, they don't tell me much. I know our fate rests with you.
DEAN
Well, then you guys are screwed. I can't do it, Cas. It's too big. Alastair was right. I'm not all here. I'm not—I'm not strong enough. Well, I guess I'm not the man either of our dads wanted me to be. Find someone else. It's not me.
two
SAM
What? Where are the angels?
RUBY
Screwing the pooch, wherever they are. The point is, it's looking more and more like we're getting down to the final seal. And I found out something big.
SAM
What?
RUBY
Seal sixty-six. It can't be broken by just any demon. Apparently, only Lucifer's first can do it.
SAM
Lucifer's first?
RUBY
Demon Sunday School story. God prefers humans to angels. Lucifer gets jealous and then he gets creative. And he twists and tempts a human soul into the very first demon as a 'screw you' to God. It's what got him locked up in the first place.
SAM
That was Lilith?
RUBY
She's way older than she looks.
SAM
Wait. So if Lilith is the only one who can break the final seal, if I get to her in time—
RUBY
Then Lucifer never busts out of his cage. Exactly.
three
SAM
What the hell?
RUBY
I can’t believe it.
SAM
Ruby, what’s going on?
RUBY
You did it. I mean, it was a little touch-and-go there for a while, but... you did it.
SAM
What? What -- what did I do?
RUBY
You opened the door. And now he's free at last. He's free at last!
SAM (in denial)
No, no, no. No, he -- Lilith -- I stopped her. I killed her!
RUBY (fervently)
And it is written that the first demon shall be the last seal. And you bust her open.
(SAM puts his hands to his head)
Now guess who's coming to dinner.
SAM
Oh, my god.
RUBY
Guess again.
(DEAN pounds at the door with a large candelabra.)
RUBY
You don't even know how hard this was! All the demons out for my head. No one knew. I was the best of those sons of bitches! The most loyal! Not even Alastair knew! Only Lilith! Yeah, I'm sure you're a little angry right now, but, I mean, come on, Sam! Even you have to admit -- I'm -- I'm awesome!
SAM
You bitch. You lying bitch!
(He thrusts his hands at her, trying to use his powers, but he drops, clutching his head instead.)
RUBY
Don't hurt yourself, Sammy. It's useless. You shot your payload on the boss.
SAM
The blood... You poisoned me.
RUBY (kneeling in front of him)
No. It wasn't the blood. It was you... and your choices. I just gave you the options, and you chose the right path every time. You didn't need the feather to fly, you had it in you the whole time, Dumbo! I know it's hard to see it now... but this is a miracle. So long coming. Everything Azazel did, and Lilith did. Just to get you here. And you were the only one who could do it.
SAM
Why? W-why me?
RUBY
Because... because it had to be you, Sammy. It always had to be you. You saved us. You set him free. And he's gonna be grateful. He's gonna repay you in ways that you can't even imagine.
SEASON 5
one
LUCIFER
You people misunderstand me. You call me "Satan" and "devil", but... Do you know my crime? I loved God too much. And for that, he betrayed me—punished me. Just as he's punished you. After all, how could God stand idly by while that man broke into your home and butchered your family in their beds?
LUCIFER
There are only two rational answers, Nick—either he's sadistic, or he simply doesn't care. You're angry. You have every right to be angry. I am angry, too. That's why I want to find him—hold him accountable for his actions. Just because he created us doesn't mean he can toy with us, like playthings.
two
LUCIFER
You ever hear the story of how I fell from grace?
DEAN
Oh, good God, you're not gonna tell me a bedtime story, are you? My stomach's almost out of bile.
LUCIFER
You know why God cast me down? Because I loved him. More than anything. And then God created...
LUCIFER smirks.
LUCIFER
You. The little...hairless apes. And then he asked all of us to bow down before you—to love you, more than him. And I said, "Father, I can't." I said, "These human beings are flawed, murderous." And for that, God had Michael cast me into hell. Now, tell me, does the punishment fit the crime? Especially, when I was right? Look at what six billion of you have done to this thing, and how many of you blame me for it.
DEAN
You're not fooling me, you know that? With this sympathy-for-the-devil crap. I know what you are.
LUCIFER
What am I?
DEAN
You're the same thing, only bigger. The same brand of cockroach I've been squashing my whole life. An ugly, evil, belly-to-the-ground, supernatural piece of crap. The only difference between them and you is the size of your ego.
three
LUCIFER
Castiel. I don't understand why you're fighting me, of all the angels
CASTIEL
You really have to ask?
LUCIFER
I rebelled, I was cast out. You rebelled, you were cast out. Almost all of heaven wants to see me dead, and if they succeed, guess what? You're their new public enemy number one. We're on the same side, like it or not, so why not just serve your own best interests? Which in this case just happen to be mine?
※ 5x10: Abandon All Hope... ⋙
LUCIFER
I was a son. A brother, like you, a younger brother, and I had an older brother who I loved. Idolized, in fact. And one day I went to him and I begged him to stand with me, and Michael—Michael turned on me. Called me a freak. A monster. And then he beat me down. All because I was different. Because I had a mind of my own. Tell me something, Sam. Any of this sound familiar? Anyway. You'll have to excuse me. Midnight is calling and I have a ritual to finish. Don't go anywhere. Not that you could if you would.
four
LUCIFER
You know, I never understood you pagans, always fighting, always happy to sell out your own kind. No wonder you forfeited this planet to us. You are worse than humans. You're worse than demons. And yet you claim to be gods. [LUCIFER twists his fingers and MERCURY dies as his neck snaps] And they call me prideful.
※ 5x19: Hammer of the Gods ⋙
BALDUR
You think you own the planet? What gives you the right?
LUCIFER
No one gives us the right, we take it.
※ 5x19: Hammer of the Gods ⋙
GABRIEL
Lucifer, you're my brother. And I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks.
LUCIFER
Wait, what did you just say to me?
GABRIEL
Look at yourself! Boo hoo! Daddy was mean to me, so I'm gonna smash up all his toys.
LUCIFER
Watch your tone.
GABRIEL
Play the victim all you want. But you and me? We know the truth. Dad loved you best. More than Michael, more than me. Then he brought the new baby home and you couldn't handle it. So this is all just one big temper tantrum. Time to grow up.
※ 5x19: Hammer of the Gods ⋙
LUCIFER
Gabriel, if you're doing this for Michael...
GABRIEL
Screw him. If he were standing here, I'd shiv his ass too.
LUCIFER
You disloyal--
GABRIEL
Oh, I'm loyal. To them!
LUCIFER
Who? These so called gods?
GABRIEL
To people, Lucifer. People
LUCIFER
So you're willing to die, for a pile of cockroaches. Why?
GABRIEL
Because Dad was right. They are better than us.
LUCIFER
They are broken. Flawed! Abortions.
GABRIEL
Damn right they're flawed. But a lot of them try. To do better, to forgive. And you should see the Spearmint Rhino! I've been riding the pine a long time. But I'm in the game now, and I'm not on your side, or Michael's. I'm on theirs.
LUCIFER
Brother, don't make me do this.
GABRIEL
No one makes us do anything.
LUCIFER
I know you think you're doing the right thing, Gabriel. But I know where your heart truly lies.
five
LUCIFER/SAM
Sam. Come on. I can feel you... scratching away in there. [He looks in a mirror.] Look... I'll take the gag off, okay? You got me all wrong, kiddo. I'm not the bad guy here.
SAM
I'm gonna rip you apart from the inside out. Do you understand me?
LUCIFER/SAM
Such anger... Young Skywalker. Who are you really angry with? Me? Or that face in the mirror?
SAM
I'm sure this is all a big joke to you, huh?
LUCIFER/SAM
Not at all. I've been waiting for you... for a long, long time. Come on, Sam. You have to admit – you can feel it, right?
SAM
What?
LUCIFER/SAM
The exhilaration. And you know why that is? Because we're two halves made whole. M.F.E.O. Literally.
SAM
This feels pretty damn far from good.
LUCIFER/SAM
I'm inside your grapefruit, Sam. You can't lie to me. I see it all – how odd you always felt, how... out of place in that... family of yours. And why shouldn't you have? They were foster care – at best. I'm your real family.
SAM
No, that's not true.
LUCIFER/SAM
It is. And I know you know it. All those times you ran away, you weren't running from them. You were running towards me. This doesn't have to be a bad thing, you know. I let Dean live, didn't I? I want him to live. I'll bring your folks back, too. I want you to be happy, Sam.
SAM
I don't want anything from you.
LUCIFER/SAM
Really? Not even a little payback?
SAM
What's that supposed to mean?
LUCIFER/SAM
Look closely. None of these little devils look familiar to you?
SAM
That's Mr. Bensman... One of my grade-school teachers.
LUCIFER/SAM
And that's your friend Doug from that time in East Lansing. And Rachel... your prom date. Sam Winchester, this is your life. Azazel's gang – watching you since you were a rugrat, jerking you around like a dog on a leash. I know how you feel about them. Me too. So, what do you say you and I blow off a little steam?
※ 5x22: Swan Song ⋙
LUCIFER/SAM
It's good to see you, Michael.
MICHAEL/ADAM
You too. It's been too long. Can you believe it's finally here?
LUCIFER/SAM
No. Not really.
MICHAEL/ADAM
Are you ready?
LUCIFER/SAM
As I'll ever be. A part of me wishes we didn't have to do this.
MICHAEL/ADAM
Yeah. Me too.
LUCIFER/SAM
Then why are we?
MICHAEL/ADAM
Oh, you know why! I have no choice, after what you did.
LUCIFER/SAM
What I did? What if it's not my fault?
MICHAEL/ADAM
What is that supposed to mean?
LUCIFER/SAM
Think about it. Dad made everything. Which means he made me who I am! God wanted the Devil.
MICHAEL/ADAM
So?
LUCIFER/SAM
So why? And why make us fight? I just can't figure out the point.
MICHAEL/ADAM
What's your point?
LUCIFER/SAM
We're going to kill each other. And for what? One of Dad's tests. And we don't even know the answer. We're brothers. Let's just walk off the chessboard.
MICHAEL/ADAM
I'm sorry. I-I can't do that. I'm a good son, and I have my orders.
LUCIFER/SAM
But you don't have to follow them.
MICHAEL/ADAM
What, you think I'm gonna rebel? Now? I'm not like you.
LUCIFER/SAM
Please, Michael --
MICHAEL/ADAM
You know, you haven't changed a bit, little brother. Always blaming everybody but yourself. We were together. We were happy. But you betrayed me – all of us – and you made our father leave.
LUCIFER/SAM
No one makes Dad do anything. He is doing this to us.
MICHAEL/ADAM
You're a monster, Lucifer. And I have to kill you.
LUCIFER/SAM
If that's the way it's got to be... Then I'd like to see you try.
※ 5x22: Swan Song ⋙
CASTIEL
He'll be back – and upset – but you got your five minutes.
LUCIFER/SAM
Castiel. Did you just Molotov my brother with holy fire?
CASTIEL
Uh... no.
LUCIFER/SAM
No one dicks with Michael but me.
SEASON 9
one
CROWLEY
It's the bloody mark of Cain.
CAIN
From Lucifer himself. The mark and the blade work together. Without the mark, the blade is useless. It's just an old bone.
CROWLEY
A bone?
DEAN
The jawbone of an animal. The jawbone you used to kill Abel because he was God's favorite.
CAIN
Abel wasn't talking to God. He was talking to Lucifer. Lucifer was gonna make my brother into his pet. I couldn't bear to watch him be corrupted, so I offered a deal -- Abel's soul in heaven for my soul in hell.
Lucifer accepted... As long as I was the one who sent Abel to heaven. So, I killed him. Became a soldier of Hell -- a knight.
DEAN
And Lucifer ordered you to make more.
CAIN
My knights and I, we did horrible things -- for centuries. Bringers of chaos and darkness.
SEASON 10
one
CAIN
When I made my bargain with Lucifer, killed Abel, I released a stain upon the earth, a stain deeper and far more lasting than mere precedence.
DEAN
Your bloodline's tainted, so you say.
CAIN
So I know. Not all killers are my descendants, and not all my descendants are killers, but enough are, enough for me to know that extinguishing them is the least I owe this world. Can you honestly tell me that humanity's not better off with fewer Tommy’s and fewer Leon’s... Fewer you’s?
two
DEATH
And that Mark on your arm is the First Curse. Nothing can kill you.
DEAN
Okay, well, forget killing me. Can you get rid of it?
DEATH
I could.
DEAN
But...
DEATH
Creatio ex nihilo -- God created the earth out of nothing -- or so your Sunday-school teacher would have you believe.
DEAN
What, so Genesis is a lie, eh? Shocker.
DEATH (standing up)
Before there was light, before there was God and the archangels, there wasn't nothing. There was the Darkness, a horribly destructive, amoral force that was beaten back by God and his archangels in a terrible war. God locked the Darkness away where it could do no harm, and he created a Mark that would serve as both lock and key, which he entrusted to his most valued Lieutenant, Lucifer.
But the Mark began to assert its own will, revealed itself as a curse, and began to corrupt. Lucifer became jealous of man. God banished Lucifer to Hell. Lucifer passed the Mark to Cain, who passed the Mark to you, the proverbial finger in the dike.
SEASON 11
one
LUCIFER
Hmm. Oh, that leads me to my next question. Where’s the big burrito himself? Where’s God in all of this?
SAM
All current indications of his presence are that there are no current indications of his presence.
LUCIFER
What? Caught the fun bus out of town? Figures.
※ 11x09: O Brother Where Art Thou ⋙
LUCIFER
I have to say, you’re extraordinarily calm given the circumstances.
SAM
Well, it’s pretty much exactly how God told me it was going to be. Guess I just have to go with it and play my hand.
LUCIFER
Well, that would make so much sense if it was God that was doing the talking. You see Sam, when the Darkness descended the impact on Hell was massive. The Cage was damaged. Through the fissures I was able to reach out. It wasn’t God inside your head Sam. It was me.
LUCIFER
So you see, he’s not with you. He’s never been with you. It was always... just... me. So I...I guess I am your only hope.
two
LUCIFER
Sam, have I ever told you how much I respect you?
SAM
What?
LUCIFER
Oh, don't get me wrong, I don't like you. I never liked you. You're... you're sort of prissy. But in this moment, when you stood toe to toe with me and won, I gotta say, you had balls kid.You were willing to do the hard thing, if it meant saving the world. That’s not you anymore. You’ve gone soft, Sammy.
※ 11x10: The Devil in the Details ⋙
LUCIFER
This is the worst thing you’ve ever done.
PAST SAM
Does he know that they told you he was killed in action?
SAM
Really?
LUCIFER
After the Leviathans, when your brother was trapped in Purgatory, you were here... with a girl and a dog. You didn’t even bother trying to find him.
SAM
You know what? Not that I have to defend myself to you, but Dean and I promised we wouldn’t look for each other.
LUCIFER
Right... and if he never came back you’d be fine. But he did. So you’re not. Whatever happened to the Sam Winchester who was bold, decisive, and ready to sacrifice for the greater good?
SAM
Right here.
LUCIFER
And... so why did you let Dean talk you out of closing the gates of Hell? ‘Cos the old Sam never would’ve done that. Not ever.
SAM
I didn’t...
LUCIFER
No wait, here’s my personal favorite, is you doing every stupid thing you could to cure the Mark, even after you knew it would go bad.
SAM
My brother was dying!
LUCIFER
Yes! And you’d do anything to save him. And he’d do anything to save you. And that is the problem. Because of this [Lucifer points to Past Sam and Amelia]... you’re so overcome by guilt that you can’t stand to lose Dean again and he could never lose you, and so instead of choosing the world you choose each other, no matter how many innocent people die.
SAM
You’re going to lecture me about hurting people? You?
LUCIFER
You know I’m right Sam. You know it! And I know if you’re going to beat the Darkness you have to be ready to die. You have to be ready to watch the people you love die. A long time ago you could have fought the good fight kid, but not anymore. You can’t win this one Sam. You’re just not strong enough.
SAM
And you are?
LUCIFER
Hey, snappin' necks and cashin' checks is what I do.
※ 11x10: The Devil in the Details ⋙
SAM
What do you want me to say?
LUCIFER
A little word that starts with Y, ends in E-S.
SAM looks away.
LUCIFER
Okay, you don't like me. I get it... I get it; sometimes I don't like me either. But Gabriel and Raphael are dead. God went out for a pack of smokes and never came back... and Michael... well, let's just say prison life hasn't really agreed with Michael. These days he's usually sitting in a corner singing show tunes and touching himself.
SAM
So you're it.
LUCIFER [laughing]
I'm it! And hey, I'm not the good guy, we both know I'm not, but the Darkness, she's the end of everything.
LUCIFER crouches down so he is face to face with Sam, imploring with him.
LUCIFER
But I can beat her. We can beat her. You and me, together. So come on, Sam. Make the right choice, the big sacrifice one more time, man. Sam, it's time to save the world, man.
SAM looks at him for a long moment before speaking.
SAM [quietly]
No... No.
LUCIFER [angry]
What do you mean no?
SAM
You heard me.
LUCIFER
Okay, now Sam, I gotta tell you, this is selfish, man, everything...
SAM
You are done. It’s over.
SAM stands up and walks towards LUCIFER.
SAM
You know what? You talk a good game. You do. Hell, you almost had me sold a few times. But then I thought what if you’re right? What if you’re telling the truth? What if you can beat her?
LUCIFER[yelling]
I can!
SAM
Even though the last time it took you, plus three other archangels. Oh yeah, and capital G, God.
LUCIFER
Oh okay, what, you mean the dead weight?
SAM
Well, let’s say you gank her... then what?
LUCIFER [shrugging]
I move to LA... solve crimes.
SAM
Wrong. Then you go about starting the Apocalypse, again, because you're an old dog and that's your old trick.
LUCIFER
Okay, first off, you don't know that. Second, even if I did that's better than what she has planned.
SAM
Is it? Really? 'Cause this is what I think, I think that whoever wins, you or the Darkness, everyone else loses. So, no. My answer is no. This isn't because of Dean, or the past, this is about me having faith in my friends, having faith in my family. We will find a way. I'm ready to die and I'm ready to watch people I love die, but I'm not ready to be your bitch.
LUCIFER
Okay, plan B.
LUCIFER punches SAM.
※ 11x10: The Devil in the Details ⋙
LUCIFER [with a half-bow]
I’m back baby!
CROWLEY
You can’t be. You finished the spell.
ROWENA
But if he was already in another vessel.
LUCIFER [gleefully]
Loophole!
CROWLEY Bloody hell.
CROWLEY tries to flee but LUCIFER flings him against the wall.
LUCIFER
Ooh, Rowena...
ROWENA
My liege.
LUCIFER
You know, what you’ve done for me, I’ll never forget it.
ROWENA
Twas my honor.
LUCIFER removes the witch-catcher from ROWENA'S neck.
LUCIFER
Yes, twas... you deserve a reward... [LUCIFER touches ROWENA'S nose, then her lips with his finger]... or some little token of my affection.
ROWENA [breathlessly]
Thank you.
LUCIFER leans in as though to kiss ROWENA, but then backs away.
LUCIFER
Oh, just one teensy tiny little question. Can anyone else open the Cage?
ROWENA
Just me.
LUCIFER
Good.
ROWENA and LUCIFER smile at one another. LUCIFER rests his face on ROWENA'S cheek. CROWLEY looks on. Then LUCIFER grabs ROWENA'S face and swiftly snaps her neck. CROWLEY flinches, and watches in terror as ROWENA falls to the ground. LUCIFER sighs, and then turns to CROWLEY.
LUCIFER
Okay, let’s chat.
three
ANGEL
I saw you. Couldn't believe my eyes.
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, believe them. It's beautiful out here, isn't it? It's funny. The things you think you're not gonna miss at all, you end up missing the very, very most.
ANGEL
Enjoy it while you can.
LUCIFER/CAS
Whoa, whoa, whoa! I come in peace, brother.
ANGEL
I am not your brother, Lucifer.
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, I'm not looking for a fight. In fact, I am your only hope at beating the Darkness. I heard you, uh... Heard you kids had your big shot at the title, and you missed it. [LUCIFER/CAS winces and places a hand on the angels shoulder]
LUCIFER/CAS
You don't need to be afraid, brother. I am out of that awful, awful Cage. And I'm here to save you all. Lucifer ex machina.
※ 11x11: Into the Mystic ⋙
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, I don't know. But there has to be something. And how many more chances are we gonna get?
DEAN
Yeah, I know. Saying you're gonna kill is one thing, but... Actually doing it's something totally different.
LUCIFER/CAS
What do you mean?
DEAN
I've had two shots at Amara. I struck out both times.
LUCIFER/CAS
What are you talking about?
DEAN
I don't even know where to start.
LUCIFER/CAS
Dean... Tell me everything.
DEAN
I tried to kill her.
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, the two of you are connected somehow by the Mark.
DEAN
Yeah, no, it's, uh... It's more than that.
LUCIFER/CAS
Attraction? Oh, Dean.
DEAN
I know. I know. Okay? Whatever it is, a... Attraction, connection... I got to tell you, man, it scares me. I don't know that I can stop it. I don't know that I can resist it.
[LUCIFER/CAS places a hand on DEAN's shoulder]
LUCIFER/CAS
Hey, it scares me, too. But we will find out what this is, I promise. In the end, it may help draw her out. This could be a good thing.
four
DEMON
Ah, sir. Would you like to hear the latest soul numbers?
LUCIFER/CAS
No, because I don't care.
DEMON
How about an update on Amara?
[LUCIFER/CAS looks up.]
DEMON
Well the update is… well that there is no update. We still haven't found -
SIMMONS
[interrupting the first demon] Sir, if I may - since you've claimed the throne, we could use some direction.
[LUCIFER/CAS rolls his eyes.]
SIMMONS
ANY direction. We could deploy a force. Real boots on the ground, shake the trees to find her! With you leading the charge, of course. We have had a coward, and a fool, at the helm for too long.
※ 11x14: The Vessel ⋙
LUCIFER/CAS
(Croons) Aww, you're scared of your Master. That's a good doggy.
[LUCIFER/CAS grabs CROWLEY's ear and pulls his head up.]
LUCIFER/CAS
But it's an act. I broke you, but um… (smells him) Yep, I can still smell it, you've got that delectable little whiff of defiance, you're just playing, huh? Waiting for your moment to retake the throne? Am I right?
CROWLEY
Yes, sir.
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, then. Tell me, once and future king of Hell, you've been watching my role, what treasonous thoughts do you have brewing in that little head of yours, huh?
[CROWLEY is silent. LUCIFER/CAS hits him lightly over the head.]
LUCIFER/CAS
What are you really thinking? Hmm?
CROWLEY
The truth, sir?
LUCIFER/CAS
Yeah.
CROWLEY
You're not strong enough. You had your weapons delivered, you realize they won't be enough. If you thought you could beat Amara you'd be taking the fight to her! Right now.
LUCIFER/CAS
You're a clever little doggy. You're right, at the moment, I may be a bit under-equipped. Maybe defeating Amara was a bit more of a team effort than I led certain people to believe. All that said, I'm still your Master, did I let you out of that kennel too soon?
※ 11x14: The Vessel ⋙
SAM
Wait a second. I think I have something. The spell of gathering, it's an incantation used to focus the power of celestial beings, angels, against all drawn forms of evasion. The spell is designed to clear all mystical or occult blockages. I mean this is highly theoretical magic, it's never been used before, but it sounds like it could work.
LUCIFER/CAS
And the ingredients?
SAM
Uh…
[SAM reads the list, and then sits back in his chair, disappointed.]
SAM
All but one. That's why it's never been used before, it requires the power of an archangel.
[SAM shuts the book. LUCIFER/CAS looks thoughtful.]
LUCIFER/CAS
Well Sam, we may as well try.
SAM
We don't have time for long shots, Cas. Even at full power you're not strong enough.
※ 11x14: The Vessel ⋙
SAM
Hey. Cas, what is that?
LUCIFER/CAS
It's your spell of gathering.
SAM
You nuts? You're not strong enough Cas, you could get hurt!
LUCIFER/CAS
You find a better option?
SAM
Well, no, but… without a serious boost to your angel power, that spell won't even work!
LUCIFER/CAS
My strength may surprise you.
SAM
Wait a second. I remember Bobby told me when you needed strength to retrieve us from the past, you used him to power up, you touched his soul, right?
LUCIFER/CAS
That's right, I did that. But that procedure can be fatal.
SAM
Use my soul. That way maybe you'll have enough power to wield the spell.
LUCIFER/CAS
That isn't necessary.
SAM
It's worth the risk. Cas, Dean needs our help. I trust you.
[LUCIFER/CAS smiles, then starts laughing.]
SAM
(confused) What?
LUCIFER/CAS
Oh, it's just - I don't need you anymore. I mean, Dean's the one with the link to Amara, why have I been trying to spare you? I mean maybe it's because you're like the girl who kept turning me down at the prom.
[LUCIFER/CAS grabs SAM and slams him against one of the Bunker's support columns.]
LUCIFER/CAS
I will touch your soul. Just because you asked so nicely, and I'll use your spell to blast through the warding and retrieve Dean and the uh, Hand of God, and then when Dean comes back and he finds this place decorated with your guts, I will tell him the truth, Sam. I'll just say, 'Dean - '
[LUCIFER/CAS pauses and smiles, before putting on his CASTIEL voice.]
LUCIFER/CAS
- 'Dean… he knew the risks. He wouldn't take no for an answer.'
SAM
Lucifer.
LUCIFER
In the flesh.
※ 11x14: The Vessel ⋙
SAM
Dean - that's not Cas!
[DEAN stares at SAM, then looks at LUCIFER/CAS. A sheepish, gleeful look crosses LUCIFER/CAS'S face.]
LUCIFER/CAS
Cat's out!
[LUCIFER/CAS throws DEAN across the table, and DEAN lands on the floor on the other side of the table, against the wall.
LUCIFER/CAS
I feel a burden lifted. You know, this whole - deep cover thing - it just wasn't - it wasn't terribly well thought out. Donning this - this Cas mask? This grim face of angelic constipation? It just - ugh. And then, teaming up with you two. I mean, I thought you boys were insufferable as mortal enemies, but working with you. That's the soul crusher.
five
LUCIFER/CAS [mocking]
You really thought you could double-cross me? Me? You know I invented the double-cross. Like literally. Of course, I couldn’t have orchestrated all of this without the lovely, talented Simmons here. She, um, she hates you, B-T-Dubs.
SIMMONS
Yeah. I really do.
LUCIFER/CAS
Yeah, they all do. Like, every demon in Hell. Can’t really blame them, can you? I mean, maybe once you were the evilest evil that ever eviled... present company excluded. But now... you’re nothing but Dean Winchester’s number-one fan.
six
JOFIEL
So perfect. Castiel, one of heaven's most wanted, possessed by heaven's most hated.
LUCIFER/CAS
I come in peace. I just want to be a part of the action again. I want to lend a hand.
※ 11x18: Hell's Angel ⋙
ANGEL #1
You... exploded Jofiel.
LUCIFER/CAS
Or did Jofiel explode himself? Just sayin'.
ANGEL #2
God cast you out of heaven.
LUCIFER/CAS
And who do you think spread that tabloid headline? It was Captain G, the Eternal One. And why? [LUCIFER/CAS puts his face close to ANGEL #2, intimidating him with gentle forehead bumps.] Because I didn't buy in to His obsessive-compulsive love for mankind.
ANGEL #1
Mankind is His creation.
LUCIFER/CAS [getting up and walking around the room]
Oh, come on! It's not like He invented the Prius, which actually works. I don't have to tell you people what a mess mankind is. The Salem Witch Trials... Third Reich... [He salutes and clicks his heels] ...Twin Towers. And, sure, every once in a while, He'll send down a little plague to straighten them out, but it's nothing permanent. Humanity brought us Hiroshima and got a redo. I merely questioned His priorities, and I got the boot.
ANGEL #2: He said you're evil.
LUCIFER/CAS glares...
ANGEL #1
Incarnate. E-Evil incarnate.
LUCIFER/CAS [smirking]
It's marketing. He's creating a need in the consumer's mind. Can't be a Super Savior if you don't have a Super Villain.
ANGEL #3
So, what are you offering?
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, a way out of this pickle.
ANGEL #2
By "pickle," you mean the Darkness.
LUCIFER/CAS nods.
ANGEL #3
You can reason with her?
LUCIFER/CAS
Well...I doubt that. But I can lock her away. This time for good. Done it before. Oh, Pops didn't tell you that, huh?
ANGEL #1
Once you've... gotten rid of her, you'll want... to... stay around?
LUCIFER/CAS
Oh, I like the way you think. [He claps.] Man, am I jazzed! Hey. If it makes you comfy, could call me God.
※ 11x18: Hell's Angel ⋙
LUCIFER/CAS
Hey, I know I can count on you. But what about your people? They on board, or we need to do a little wing-twisting?
ANGEL #1 [nervously]
I'll have to think about it.
LUCIFER/CAS
Don't you think about it too long. You know what they say... he who hesitates...(snaps his fingers) ...disintegrates.
※ 11x18: Hell's Angel ⋙
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, that... was a little payback, ladies and gents. I don't think Auntie Amara appreciated your little half-assed smiting. And, uh, guess what... this... this is just a teeny taste of what's to come. So, clearly my expertise is gonna come in handy. 'Cause God knows what's next. Ouch. I almost forgot. Um... God doesn't care.
※ 11x18: Hell's Angel ⋙
DEAN
Castiel, show yourself!
LUCIFER/CAS [laughing with glee]
Oh-hoo-hoo-hoo! Whoo! Uh, he's got to what? You boys... [laughing], ooh, you almost had me there for a minute, but these mail-order spells... they're just not what they're cracked up to be, are they?
DEAN
Cas, expel him! You got to kick Lucifer out! Do you hear me?!
LUCIFER/CAS
Honestly, I think he's happy with the arrangement. I mean, he did invite me in and all, Dean.
DEAN [yelling, desperate]
Cas!
LUCIFER/CAS [mockingly]
Cas!
※ 11x18: Hell's Angel ⋙
AMARA throws LUCIFER/CAS against the wall.
LUCIFER/CAS [breathing heavily]
Okay. Okay. Look, I know you have a major beef with me. You probably want to finish me. But you may want to rethink your position. 'Cause I could actually be of use to you.
AMARA
Really?
LUCIFER/CAS
You hadn't considered? We both have an axe to grind with God. I know his soft spots. He can't handle us both.
AMARA
Do you, for one moment, think that I would actually consider trusting you for anything? I did trust you once. You and my brother conspired to seal me away for eons. But you're right. You might be of some use to me.
LUCIFER/CAS
All right. Good. Now we're talking.
LUCIFER/CAS starts to approach AMARA, but she swiftly throws him back against the wall. She holds her hand up towards him...
AMARA
As God's favorite, his first son, you may be the one thing in all of creation that he still cares about, the one thing that could finally make him show himself so that I can confront him and he can acknowledge the wrongs he's done me. And then he can witness the utter destruction of all his creation... before he himself is swept away.
LUCIFER/CAS [smirking]
You're expecting him? Oh. Well... I wouldn't wait up. I'm pretty sure he caught the last train out.
AMARA
Well... we'll see, won't we?
AMARA turns and points at LUCIFER/CAS to torture him. LUCIFER/CAS is enveloped in a white light and he screams in terrible agony.
seven
LUCIFER/CAS
Oh, goody. Larry, Curly, Moe. Search and rescue? Oh, wow. [to Donatello] It's one of Dad's favorites. Your ticket finally got punched, huh? It's wacky, isn't it? One minute, you're...nobody. And then – Shazam – you're Joan of Arc. Let's, uh – Let's hope this ends better than that.
SAM
All right, can the small talk. We're busting you out of here.
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, it seems fair since I wouldn't be here if you lunatics hadn't set me up to be grabbed by Amara.
SAM
You're gonna help us take her down. If you say no, we'll just leave you here in Abu Ghraib.
[METATRON chanting indistinctly]
LUCIFER/CAS [chuckles, coughs]
Say no? You see what she's done to me? Do I look like a fan?!
METATRON
Eeroh, mahday saytah!
LUCIFER/CAS
Did you grab this from the steno pool?
SAM
You understand you'll be working with your father. Is that gonna be a problem?
[METATRON background chanting]
LUCIFER/CAS [groans]
That's family. This is bigger.
SAM
So, you'll table all the old stuff?
LUCIFER/CAS
What happens in Heaven stays in Heaven.
※ 11x21: All in the Family ⋙
CHUCK [looking at LUCIFER/CAS] [sighs]
You've changed.
LUCIFER/CAS
You've changed.
CHUCK
Well, still... I'm really pretty much the same.
eight
LUCIFER/CAS
So where were you?
CHUCK
That’s a… long story. How do you feel? I healed you.
LUCIFER/CAS
Mm. Yeah. Didn’t ask you to.
CHUCK
Son, be reasonable.
LUCIFER/CAS
One cosmic Band-Aid on my knee and what, you think we’re, we’re even now? (He looks up.) Is it time for us to go play catch in the yard?
LUCIFER/CAS [looks back to his book]
Screw you.
DEAN
Guys?
[SAM and DEAN enter through the front door, upstairs.]
SAM
Hey, how’s it goin’ in here?
[They head down the stairs.]
CHUCK [to Lucifer]
Listen, I know I’ve been gone for awhile.
CHUCK
I’ve missed a few… million… birthdays—
LUCIFER/CAS
Yeah, and the second your apes send a distress flare, boom. Daddy’s home.
CHUCK
That’s not what happened.
DEAN
Hey, these apes saved your ass.
[LUCIFER/CAS scowls and snaps his fingers. SAM and DEAN look sick but quickly realize nothing happened.]
CHUCK
He can’t hurt you.
LUCIFER/CAS
Oh, so you’re controlling me now!
CHUCK
It’s just a safeguard.
[LUCIFER stares at CHUCK, incensed.]
SAM
Hey guys? Uh, Chuck? Lucifer… uh, Dean… Think we can try and focus here? Y’know, end of the world, common enemy, all that?
LUCIFER/CAS [slams the book shut, standing]
Enemy of my enemy is my friend. (Stands right in front of CHUCK.) Team Amara. Go Amara.
CHUCK
You don’t mean that.
LUCIFER/CAS
You’re really not gonna say it.
[LUCIFER/CAS and CHUCK regard one another. Chuck blinks but doesn’t look away.]
SAM
He’s not gonna say what?
LUCIFER/CAS [to CHUCK]
Screw you. (To SAM and DEAN.) Screw all of you.
※ 11x22: We Happy Few ⋙
SAM
One of you is gonna have to, uh, go first. You know what? Lucifer, you agreed to have a sit down if God would show, so – (He gestures to CHUCK.)
DEAN
And Chuck, you did say you’d talk.
LUCIFER/CAS
Him first. I’m the one who’s owed an explanation.
(CHUCK lets out an aggravated little sigh but says nothing.)
DEAN
Okay, let’s try ‘I feel’ statements. (To SAM) Doctor Phil.
(SAM shrugs.)
DEAN
Eh?
SAM
Ah, yeah. Of course.
(They go sit awkwardly on the steps to the telescope.)
CHUCK (to LUCIFER/CAS)
I am… sorry? that you feel that I betrayed you. That I acted without cause.
(LUCIFER/CAS is shaking his head.)
CHUCK (continues)
I’m sorry that you can’t see you gave me no choice. (to SAM and DEAN) I’m good.
LUCIFER/CAS (to SAM and DEAN)
You heard that, right?
SAM (to CHUCK)
We all know that you are God, but maybe could you be a little less ‘Lordly’?
CHUCK
But I am – I am the Lord.
LUCIFER/CAS
Wow. There he goes.
CHUCK
I did what I had to do! To create the world, I had to lock Amara away. And when the Mark corrupted you, and I saw you posed a threat to humankind, I did the same with you.
LUCIFER/CAS
No, you betrayed me. You gave me the Mark to lock her away, and when it changed me – when it did what the Mark inevitably does – you threw me away.
CHUCK
No, son. The Mark – (He pauses.) You always cast a jaundiced glance at humans. The Mark didn’t change you. It just made you more of what you already were.
LUCIFER/CAS
What I was, was your son. Your child.
CHUCK
Why should I put you first above all others?
LUCIFER/CAS (to SAM and DEAN)
You have any idea what it’s like to argue with your father when your father is God? (to CHUCK) Everything is a tautology with you. Everything is, “Because I told you so.” Everything’s, “It had to be done.”
DEAN
Pretty sure that’s all fathers.
(SAM clears his throat in a warning. DEAN waves him off.)
LUCIFER/CAS
Okay, fine. (He sits up straighter.) Big picture, as God. You did what you had to do. But little picture? You sucked at being a dad.
CHUCK
Okay, maybe I didn’t handle everything perfectly. But tell me: could I have kept humankind safe with you on the board?
(LUCIFER/CAS stares.)
CHUCK
I know about your little bid to replace me with the angels. Okay, ‘New God,’ what would you have done about you?
LUCIFER/CAS
That is not the point.
SAM
I-I can’t believe I’m actually about to say this, but… um. Lucifer is right.
(CHUCK turns to look at SAM.)
SAM (continues)
All he wants is an apology, and you’re too concerned about being right to give him one. But apologies aren’t always about being right. Sometimes they’re just about apologizing.
DEAN
Yeah, and the great thing about apologies is you don’t even have to mean ‘em. Y’know, I lie and tell Sam I’m sorry all the time.
(SAM turns and levels a look at him.)
DEAN (mutters to SAM)
Sorry. (He brightens.) See? That’s. Heh.
CHUCK
Enough from the peanut gallery.
(He waves his hand. SAM and DEAN are deposited unceremoniously in two chairs, which turn out to be in the chess nook upstairs.)(Cut back to LUCIFER/CAS and CHUCK.)
CHUCK
What? What would you have done?
LUCIFER/CAS
It doesn’t matter. You are my father and you forsook me.
CHUCK I did. I was supposed to love all creation equally. I wasn’t supposed to have favorites. But you… You were mine. I gave you the Mark because I loved you the most, because I thought you were strong enough to bear it. And when I saw that I was wrong… When I watched my choice devour my most cherished son, I hated myself, and so I punished you. And I am so sorry.
※ 11x22: We Happy Few ⋙
LUCIFER/CAS
And here I thought I had made real inroads with you guys.
ANGEL #2
You thought wrong, Serpent.
LUCIFER/CAS
Serpent.
ANGEL #2
We loathe you. We'll always loathe you.
LUCIFER/CAS
Welp, I came here to ask a good-faith favor of you folks, but as you are clearly less than kindly disposed, perhaps you'll, uh, lend an ear to my very own Jiminy Cricket. Hmm?
CASTIEL
Hello, brothers. Sisters.
ANGEL #1
Castiel?
CASTIEL
It's me.
ANGEL #2
Do you think we see any daylight between you and the Adversary?
ANGEL #2
Let's hear it from Him.
CASTIEL
In good time. Do I have your support?
ANGEL #2
I can't even look at you, Castiel. You befouled yourself with the Deceiver.
CASTIEL
You know, every second that I've spent subordinating myself to Lucifer, it's been a torment. It's destroying me, it's burning through my vessel. But I would do it all over again, because through me, he and God, they will defeat the Darkness. That's my role in this fight. It's God's fight. You can play a part in that fight too, if you join me.
※ 11x22: We Happy Few ⋙
DEAN
I still don't like it. (Everyone looks at him.) But – why trap her when you can kill her, you know? I-I mean, you got to admit, there's a lot less room for error if you shoot to kill.
CHUCK
I explained why.
DEAN
Right, but why keep her in play? So she can escape and we can go through this all over again?
SAM
Dean, what is this about?
DEAN
I – Nothing. Am I the only one thinking rational here?
LUCIFER/CAS
It's about her. Sam, it's about his girlfriend.
DEAN
Okay. Shut up.
LUCIFER/CAS
I mean, think about it. Dean Winchester meets the biggest evil in the universe, and he takes a pass? Come on. Now he wants Daddy to do what he couldn't.
SAM
Is he right?
DEAN
Oh, I'm not getting into it with him. Not gonna happen.
LUCIFER/CAS
Hey, Dean. Come on, what's good for the goose is good for the gander. We opened a vein for you two.
DEAN
I tried to kill her. (Flashback to DEAN stabbing AMARA only for the knife to shatter.) And it didn't work.
CHUCK
Maybe it didn't work because you didn't want it to work. Maybe you didn't want to kill her.
SAM
You want God to kill Amara because you don't want Amara to be killed?
DEAN
Yeah, maybe there's a part of me that just can't hurt her. But if she's already dead—
SAM
Then she's already dead. Right.
LUCIFER/CAS
Well, that got weird.
※ 11x22: We Happy Few ⋙
DEAN
What about Cas?
LUCIFER/CAS
Oh, don't worry. Your pet's safety is my highest concern. (At DEAN’S glare, LUCIFER/CAS rolls his eyes.) Trust me, he's on board.
SEASON 12
one
VINCE
All I want is you.
JEN/LUCIFER
That can happen, Vince.
VINCE
What can happen?
JEN/LUCIFER
You and me together.
VINCE
Are you a ghost?
JEN/LUCIFER
No. I'm an angel.
VINCE
Those are real?
JEN/LUCIFER
Real and very powerful, Vince. I can take away your pain. Bring you peace. You only have to do one easy thing.
VINCE
What?
JEN/LUCIFER
Will you invite me in?
VINCE
Yes.
two
LUCIFER/VINCE
Huh? Thought this one would last a bit longer before going all Keith Richards on me. This vessel hopping's getting old. Just as I get used to the limitations of one meatsack, I gotta cut bait and jump to the next flawed lump.
ROWENA
Then you want me to make this vessel permanent? Strong enough to hold you?
LUCIFER/VINCE
Does look good on me. Show me what you got, Red. Huh?
ROWENA
I-I-I'd help, I would, but I don't have the Book of the Damned. I lost it.
LUCIFER/VINCE
You know damned well where you put it. Did you see what I did there? "Damned." Besides, you don't NEED the book. Clever girl like you must have it all UP HERE by now.
ROWENA
And if I refuse?
LUCIFER/VINCE
I snap your neck again. Only this time, I'll rip your head clean off afterwards. Hmm?
※ 12x03: The Foundry ⋙
LUCIFER/VINCE
Aah! No! You can't destroy me!
ROWENA
Not yet, but I can send you far, far away. Try finding a new vessel at the bottom of the bloody ocean.
three
LUCIFER/VINCE
It means it's not about the music. It never really was. You know, rock's not the reason. It's just an excuse...to worship, to adore. See, humans have always been desperate to put someone or something above them. And let's face it, God ain't cuttin' it these days. It takes a Kim Kardashian, a whatever Justin Bieber is. A me. They're enjoying the ride. So should you.
※ 12x07: Rock Never Dies ⋙
LUCIFER/VINCE
How much do you love me? What would you do to show me?
ROSELEEN
Anything.
LUCIFER/VINCE set down the glass on the table.
LUCIFER/VINCE
Anything? (leaning to get a knife out of his pocket) Would you bleed?
ROSELEEN nodded, but looked afraid.
LUCIFER/VINCE
Then bleed.
※ 12x07: Rock Never Dies ⋙
CROWLEY
I'm really not. I just hate you that much.
CROWLEY wave his hand to drag Vince to the wall.
CROWLEY
What are you doing, Lucifer? You mean nothing to those kids out there. You think they'd draw blood for you? By choice?
LUCIFER/VINCE
Well… I thought I'd at least ask. And if they won't give it up by choice, maybe I'll just take it.
CASTIEL
Why?
LUCIFER/VINCE
Because it's fun. Because I can. And because being Lucifer? So much Judeo-Christian baggage. But Vince? He's famous. Everybody loves him.
LUCIFER/VINCE
And I need love. I had a really jacked childhood. Hey, Tommy.
Before TOMMY escape in the room LUCIFER/VINCE snaps his neck.
CASTIEL
You think this is fun?
LUCIFER/VINCE
Oh, I wouldn't expect you to understand. I was inside you. I know what a weak, duty-bound... pleasureless dullard you are.
※ 12x07: Rock Never Dies ⋙
DEAN
Why are you doing this?
LUCIFER/VINCE [chuckles]
Why?
SAM
You and God made up. You forgave him. What would he think?
LUCIFER/VINCE
I'm not especially interested in his opinion. Dear old dad, he finally apologized for abandoning me. And what's the very next thing he does? [Voice breaks] He ditches me. [Laughs] And you, too, by the way.
And rides offinto the sunset with Auntie Amara. He needed my help, and he'd say anything to get it. His words, your words, they mean nothing. Don't you get it? This is all meaningless. Heaven, Hell, this world. If it ever meant anything, that moment is past.
Nothing down here but a bunch of hopeless distraction addicts, so filled with emptiness, so desperate to fill up the void… they don't mind being served another stale rerun of a rerun of a rerun. You know what my plan is? I don't have one. I'm just gonna keep on smashing Daddy's already broken toys and make you watch.
four
LUCIFER
Usually, I give my hosts more downtime, but in this case, high-profile as it is... I may need help fine-tuning some...protocols if I'm going to deliver on all the goodness and public service that I promised.
JEFF
I'm—I'm happy to help, partner. We're appearing at—at a series of fundraisers here backed by a fantastic group of aides.
LUCIFER
So, I just focus on the big picture?
JEFF
The team handles the details.
LUCIFER
Well, listen, Jeff, this is all useful information, of course.
LUCIFER
But...if we're gonna pull this off, I'm gonna need a few more personal details. People need to believe that I am, in fact, President of the United States.
※ 12x08: LOTUS ⋙
LUCIFER/JEFF
We have reliable intel that two mentally unstable individuals, possibly cult members, have imminent plans to assassinate me.
RICK
What? Why?
LUCIFER/JEFF
Because I'm Satan. … They think I'm Satan.
RICK
Not metaphorically?
LUCIFER/JEFF
Mm. In the flesh.
RICK
Satan's not real.
LUCIFER/JEFF
Well...
RICK
He's a symbol for the simple-minded. A-a comic book villain.
LUCIFER/JEFF
He's a bit more than that, Rick, to many people.
※ 12x08: LOTUS ⋙
DEAN
Does he even know you're knocked up?
KELLY
Yes, he... He said he was thrilled. He said it was the only time he ever created anything.
five
LUCIFER
Oh, there was a gun that won the west, there was a man among the best. The fastest gun or man alive, a lightning bolt when he shot the Colt. Bang! Forty-five. [laughs] Man.
CROWLEY
I suppose you think that’s funny.
LUCIFER [laughing]
Ah. I know that look. Sam and Dean have got you down. Well, I still can’t believe that you’re working for the Dukes of Haphazard. Do you really think they care about you? I mean, think about it, Crowley. They kill your kind. It’s in their blood. And you know... you know... it’s only a matter of time before they come... [singsongy] for you.
CROWLEY
Shut your mouth, dog.
[LUCIFER's eyes glow from behind the bars of the cell]
LUCIFER
That’s not my name.
six
LUCIFER
And worse, you're not even gonna see it comin' when you get taken down.
CROWLEY
By you?
LUCIFER
And my flesh and blood.
CROWLEY
Really?
LUCIFER
Mm. (imitates British accent) You remember the lovely... Kelly Kline?
CROWLEY
She got rid of that thing.
LUCIFER (Normal voice)
Did she now?
CROWLEY
The Winchesters saw to it.
LUCIFER
Because they can always be trusted.
CROWLEY
It was in their own self-interest.
LUCIFER
Huh. Interesting. Because I can still feel it. Its heart. Its power. Sort of makes me proud. A chip off the old ball of heavenly light, if you know what I mean.
seven
CROWLEY
It must really burn you, knowing I’m the one who put you in this prison. Me. I own you, and I have big plans for us.
LUCIFER
Ooh. I’m flattered. All this hard work, all that...grr! You get 'em, slugger! I'm still gonna peel off your skin and eat your soul.
CROWLEY
Is that so?
LUCIFER
Yeah. I mean, it will be… little bit messy, but… You know, gotta protect the rep. You understand.
CROWLEY
I do. But you, in -- in those chains? I mean, forgive me if I'm not quaking in my Testonis.
LUCIFER
Oh, I think both you and I understand that this? [Chains rattle] It's just a temporary situation.
CROWLEY
Oh, do we? See, I understand that whatever sad little scheme that you're brewing up, I'm already 10 steps ahead.
LUCIFER
And I thought pride was my sin.
CROWLEY [scoffs]
It’s not pride. It’s fact. You cross me, I crush you. You hit me, I hit you back twice as hard. You make me your dog, I make you my slave.
※ 12x15: Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell ⋙
DEMON 2 [choking]
We had a deal!
LUCIFER
Did we? [snaps fingers and the demon explodes in a cloud of dust, then turns to Tommy] Sorry, kid. You understand, right? No -- no witnesses or anything, yeah?
TOMMY
Yes. Take me, oh, Fallen One! My life is yours to devour.
LUCIFER
See, now you just made it weird. [snaps his fingers and Tommy explodes]
※ 12x15: Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell ⋙
LUCIFER
Now, what was that you were saying about always being two steps ahead? [he stands up and slugs Crowley across the face and he flies across the room. Lucifer brings out his wings, his glow lighting up the room] Buh-bye, Crowley.
CROWLEY
That’s not what I said. [he snaps his fingers and Lucifer’s light goes out and his wings disappear]
LUCIFER [reaching toward his back for his wings that are gone]
Huh? What the…
CROWLEY
I'm glad you had a little taste of freedom. What I said was, I'm always 10 steps ahead. I said you cross me, I crush you. You hit me… [Crowley snaps his fingers and Lucifer convulses in pain]
...I hit you back twice as hard. [He snaps his fingers again]!
You make me your dog, I'll make you my slave. [Crowley snaps again, and Lucifer drops to the ground in agony, groaning and panting] That chain around your neck? Was nothing. A stylish accessory. This vessel… That's your true prison. It's been warded with runes and spellwork from the Cage, carved into every molecule. In there? I own you. [ Sighs ] I'm just getting started. So… I'm gonna put you back in your hole, and then I'm gonna go find your spawn, and I'm gonna rip him apart while you watch. And then? I'm still just getting started. [Crowley punches Lucifer in the face]
eight
LUCIFER
Yes, my Lord. He's right, my friends. There is only one true ruler of Hell. [Lucifer silently mouths me. Crowley cannot see what he is doing.]
CROWLEY
And that is me, is it not?
LUCIFER
Oh, yes.
CROWLEY
And you surrender your heartfelt support to that one true ruler?
LUCIFER
Absolutely. [He winks at the demons, who look confused.]
CROWLEY
And what do you have to say to those who are still unsure of whom they must obey?
LUCIFER
I say this – anyone who does not support this one true king, can be assured of suffering unendurable and everlasting agony. [Lucifer's eyes burn red]
LUCIFER [smirking]
I don't hear applause.
[The demons begrudgingly, and in apparent confusion, slowly begin to clap.]
nine
DAGON [talking to 'empty room']
Everything's fine. Just put the container down for a nap.
LUCIFER
Did you? Dagon (Singsongy) I know you're lying to me. What happened?
DAGON
My Lord, I –
LUCIFER (growls)
Tell me.
DAGON (grunts in pain)
Look, I (Sighs) The angels, they found us. (Sighs) One of them took her.
LUCIFER
Which one?
DAGON (Sighs heavily)
Castiel.
LUCIFER (Laughing)
Okay, wait a minute. Wait a minute. So you let the Winchesters' purse dog take my son? (Screams)
DAGON (kneeling over in pain)(Exhaling sharply)
I didn't –
LUCIFER
Mm.
DAGON
I will find them.
LUCIFER
Yes, you will, or that little fantasy of yours, ruling Heaven and Earth, you, me, baby makes three
DAGON
It's not a fantasy. That was your promise to me!
LUCIFER
Here's another promise for you – find my boy, or the torments I will visit upon you will be infinite. Promise.
(DAGON backs up in fear)
LUCIFER
You make this right, Dagon. Make it right.
DAGON
I will. (turns to see Kelvin tied up at table)
ten
DREXEL
The timing of your escape is crucial, my Lord. If the device isn't sufficiently impaired, the King's hold on you will only increase. And, of course, I'll be –
[LUCIFER drags DREXEL close.]
LUCIFER
Let me perfectly clear, okay? My only son is in jeopardy, and I'm running out of patience. Check it again.
DREXEL
This...this can't be.
LUCIFER
Do not tell me it's powering up.
DREXEL
It's powering up –
LUCIFER
I asked you not to tell me that.
DREXEL
But in the opposite direction. This is amazing.
LUCIFER
What?
DREXEL
The device, it's cemented directly into your DNA and that of the King's. As it's powering down in you, the polarity is somehow reversing.
LUCIFER
English, Drexel.
DREXEL
The ability to control is transferring from Crowley to you.
LUCIFER
So you're saying that Crowley's gonna be my puppet.
※ 12x21: There's Something About Mary ⋙
LUCIFER
Well, I could do this all day, but since I'm King, et cetera, et cetera. I'll wrap it up.
[LUCIFER picks up an angel blade and levitates CROWLEY to the upright position. LUCIFER powers up and unfurls his wings. He forces CROWLEY to walk towards him.]
LUCIFER
Oh, you had to know this was inevitable
eleven
LUCIFER
Oh, if you're looking for Rowena, she is presently indisposed. Which is a delicate way of saying, I stomped on her face till the white meat showed, and then set her on fire, just in case. Ah. Gingers. It was messy and... screamy, but it had to be done, Sam. I'm about to be a dad. Can't raise the little nipper from a jail cell now, can I? Speaking of... you know where your little pal Castiel is?
SAM
Go to hell.
LUCIFER
Ooh! Good one. Witty. I'll use that in the future. All right, well, I'd love to chat with ya, but, uh, why waste my time, right? It's not like you matter. I don't need to put on the old Sam suit anymore, do I?
DEAN
You know, if you think we're just gonna let you walk –
LUCIFER
Oh, hey, Dean! I know you fellas are gonna try, you know, whatever. Whatever you're gonna try. But you can't kill me. You've never been able to kill me. And with, uh, witch bitch gone, you can't put me back in the Cage, so like I said... you don't matter. Okay? Buh-bye. Buh-bye.
※ 12x23: All Along the Watchtower ⋙
LUCIFER
Well... this is a fun surprise. I gotta hand it to you guys. You never give up, even when you should. Even when it would be so stupid not to.
SAM
Look, whatever you're planning on doing, Chuck...God will stop you, just like he did last time.
LUCIFER
You're right. What should I do? Oh, God! Don't strike me dead! Come on, Sam. You sound like a virgin in Jesus camp. "We can't. God is watching." No. Chuck "walked." He's gone.
DEAN
So you're just gonna smash his toys?
LUCIFER
Exactly. 'Cause every time I look at this sad trash fire of a world, you know what I keep thinking? I could do so much better.
DEAN
So Apocalypse, take two. That's your plan?
LUCIFER
When in doubt, go with the classics. That's what I always say. Well, boys, enough with the foreplay. Let's do this.
SEASON 13
SEASON 14
one
FRANK
I -- Look, I don't know what happened that night, I -- I --Y-Your wife called the precinct. Thought she heard a prowler. And...? I'm walking up the front path, no back-up, and suddenly from outta nowhere, there's this guy. There's this "guy." He said his name was "Abraxas." Abraxas. The next thing I know, I'm back in the patrol car, and I'm -- I'm covered in blood.
NICK
My wife's blood. And my baby's blood. "Abraxas." I know that name. Lucifer knew that name. Now, this -- this is crazy.
two
ABRAXAS
You want to know why I gutted your family? Orders. I was following orders.
NICK
From who?
ABRAXAS
Who do you think? Lucifer planned the whole thing.
NICK
I don’t – I don’t understand. Why my family? Why – why me?
ABRAXAS
No particular reason. You were chosen, but you’re not special. We threw a dart at the phone book.
three
SAM
There was never any poison. You injected Donatello with angel grace. Why?!
NICK
Wow. She figured it out. That's good.
SAM (pulling a gun on Nick)
Talk!
NICK
Prophets are sort of like old CB radios. You boost their power or you mess with their frequency...
SAM
CB radio? Y-You trying to communicate with someone? Who?
NICK
Search your feelings, Sam.
SAM
No. No. Lucifer's dead. He's in the Empty.
NICK
Yeah, and he's awake… and with the help of your little prophet friend, I was able to have a convo with him, and he told me how to bring him back.
[flash to a scene of DONATELLO, tied to his dining table, channeling LUCIFER]
LUCIFER
It won't be easy. You'll have to prove yourself. The Winchesters will be a problem. But you can use that, twist it… find a way to get to my son. His blood. You need his blood.
NICK
Come on, Sam. Nobody stays dead anymore. You know that. All you need is a little elbow grease, some new friends. Where you think I got that angel grace? Who do you think hid me after I carved up that cop? Demons. Yeah. They want Lucifer back almost as much as me. So, thanks.
SEASON 15
one
LUCIFER
Wow! Way to treat a pal.
SAM
No, you're not our "pal."
LUCIFER
Okay, be honest with me, please. Would you have let me in if I said it was really me?
DEAN
You're dead. Uh... yeah, not so much.
LUCIFER
Um, after Pop nutted out and murdered pretty much everyone in the world, the Empty booted me with orders to find the missing God Book and use it on Chuck. Uh, normally, I'm not very good at following orders, as you guys know, but, uh, you do not want to mess with the Empty, man. Total "B," especially after Jack blew up all over her, and she killed Death. (Chuckling) I mean, guys, never a dull moment. But that's the past. What's up?! We're a team again, guys.
DEAN
Oh, that is not happening.
LUCIFER
Mm. Yeah. Alright, team. I don't want to bring ants to your picnic, but that ain't gonna cut it. Okay, think about it. If the Empty pulled me off the bench, it's 'cause the Winchester charm ain't enough, right? And I did anticipate a little bit of pushback, so I did bring a token of good faith. Voilà.
※ 15x19: Inherit the Earth ⋙
MICHAEL
Are you seriously thinking about trusting him?
DEAN
Uh, I wouldn't exactly say "trust."
LUCIFER
Mikey, Mikey, come on, man. I get the bitterness. For all you did for the old man, you got no better from him than me. The son voted Most Likely to Suck, and that sucks.
MICHAEL
I did what I did because it was the right thing to do, not to get his love.
LUCIFER
Alright, well, that's a good thing, 'cause the man had no love to give... Not to you, not to me, not to... humanity. You see that now, right?
BETTY (Clears throat)
Asshats. I have opened the book. And? And it's in here... all that you want. I know how God ends.
SAM
Wait a second. You're sure about this?
BETTY
Of course I'm sure. I'm Death.
DEAN
You've been Death for an hour.
BETTY
"Behold, in the end, there is the ending of he who created the beginning."
LUCIFER
Fascinating.
BETTY
"And, thus, it will be..."
[LUCIFER snaps his fingers. The book flies to him and BETTY aka DEATH, disintegrates.]
LUCIFER
Yeah, this is what Pop wanted to get his hands on. Hmm. Did I say that out loud? Yeah, Pop was the one who let me out of the Empty. I'm sort of the new favorite now. What did Dad say about you? Oh, yeah. "Mikey's a cuck." (Laughs) You're a cuck.
※ 15x19: Inherit the Earth ⋙
LUCIFER (to JACK)
So... buddy... you're gonna have to make a decision now. Uh, dump the losers and join Gramps and me on the winning team. (Imitates crowd cheering) Of course, this is the only way you're getting out of here alive, 'cause you're not strong enough to fight me now, so... What do you say, kid? What do you say? Come on. Somebody's behind me?