"There is. You're just not used to choosing this way." Lucifer can still make the decision to go after Dean and take the risk, that is an option, but he doesn't want to do it. Istredd knows nothing about Dean or their very complicated relationship, he suspects he is a part of or behind why Istredd had to take care of his bloody wounds a few months ago. This doesn't make Istredd a fan of the man or that he is protecting anyone else but Lucifer.
He sits cross-legged since he can't get back up right now and takes in a deep breath, letting it out, his emotions fluttering all around him because of this next conversation. "Yenna and I broke up because a variety of reasons, one major one being I betrayed her trust, but also we never were going to work out. Our ambitions led us on different routes. Either one of us would have to give up what we wanted for the other. I was willing to, but she wasn't. And while it hurt, I came to understand that."
Istredd tried to get her back and was greeted with closed door after closed door. He knows Lucifer told him not to share more about her, but he actually is being careful about locking away a few details. This is a general break-up conversation. And frankly, with his friend, maybe he deserves to be able to talk about something like this.
"Decades later, life had become different for her, and she came and found me again. She told me she wanted to start over and give us the life we originally wanted. It was everything I wanted to hear all that time ago." It's painful to talk about. Emotionally painful in a way the Singularity was mentally. "But I told her no because I didn't believe we could make it. She thought she wanted me but she wanted an escape. Eventually she would be bored and leave. And when we talked later, she agreed that was probably the truth." The two of them are actually quite honest with each other. They have to be. There isn't animosity in his tone, he is not angry with her, he's sad though. Agonizingly sad.
"That is what I meant by gave up on her. Later on, I wondered if I made a mistake. If I should have at least tried to let us have a chance. Even if it didn't work, wouldn't it be worth it to know? I was too afraid so I let her go. I have a point, outside of pouring out my heart." And it is like that. Pouring. Bleeding. Istredd hadn't shared these regrets with Yennefer because he saw no point in it. They are where they are now. They are allies again, truly, and he doesn't want to ruin that. "The point is ... she was never going to pick me. The only person who ever loved me, and I would never be that important. I can't be mad at her for that. I ruined our chances."
A sad tale of heartbreak and regret, and the truth of two people he knew and what they lost. Even if they came out the other side and Lucifer should know that Istredd is still loyal to Yennefer. They get each other. This is a very old wound. "A long roundabout way of saying that I'm not sorry someone is picking me."
no subject
He sits cross-legged since he can't get back up right now and takes in a deep breath, letting it out, his emotions fluttering all around him because of this next conversation. "Yenna and I broke up because a variety of reasons, one major one being I betrayed her trust, but also we never were going to work out. Our ambitions led us on different routes. Either one of us would have to give up what we wanted for the other. I was willing to, but she wasn't. And while it hurt, I came to understand that."
Istredd tried to get her back and was greeted with closed door after closed door. He knows Lucifer told him not to share more about her, but he actually is being careful about locking away a few details. This is a general break-up conversation. And frankly, with his friend, maybe he deserves to be able to talk about something like this.
"Decades later, life had become different for her, and she came and found me again. She told me she wanted to start over and give us the life we originally wanted. It was everything I wanted to hear all that time ago." It's painful to talk about. Emotionally painful in a way the Singularity was mentally. "But I told her no because I didn't believe we could make it. She thought she wanted me but she wanted an escape. Eventually she would be bored and leave. And when we talked later, she agreed that was probably the truth." The two of them are actually quite honest with each other. They have to be. There isn't animosity in his tone, he is not angry with her, he's sad though. Agonizingly sad.
"That is what I meant by gave up on her. Later on, I wondered if I made a mistake. If I should have at least tried to let us have a chance. Even if it didn't work, wouldn't it be worth it to know? I was too afraid so I let her go. I have a point, outside of pouring out my heart." And it is like that. Pouring. Bleeding. Istredd hadn't shared these regrets with Yennefer because he saw no point in it. They are where they are now. They are allies again, truly, and he doesn't want to ruin that. "The point is ... she was never going to pick me. The only person who ever loved me, and I would never be that important. I can't be mad at her for that. I ruined our chances."
A sad tale of heartbreak and regret, and the truth of two people he knew and what they lost. Even if they came out the other side and Lucifer should know that Istredd is still loyal to Yennefer. They get each other. This is a very old wound. "A long roundabout way of saying that I'm not sorry someone is picking me."